Embrace You: Book (Loneliness) Read online

  I'm barely able to keep up as my heavy eyelids drift down. I look at Marcus and he's slowly nodding his head. He's able to keep up much better than I can.

  "Coffee. Or tea. Something to wake me up," I mutter.

  Laslow hears me and puts his hand out, indicating he's going to get me something. A few minutes later, I'm holding a big, steaming mug of strong tea. I sip slowly, savoring the heat and flavor. I feel more alert and as if I can actually hold two thoughts in my melted brain.

  "Okay, so let me see if I have this straight. You lot are suggesting that we promise a big scoop to the press, get together with them, give them small pieces that we wouldn't mind having out there? And then, we wind them up and make them think we're going to give them something huge...am I right?" At Tim's nod, I go on. "Then, when they think we're going to give them the biggest scoop of their careers, we give them nothing. How do we keep them away after that? They will be highly upset," I say.

  "That's where your prior arrangement with the barrister comes in. Marcus, you make them leave. You escort them out, all the while reminding them of their promise to you - that they will leave you alone. And, if they threaten to come after you for anything, any scoop, you tell them that you will complain to the barrister and magistrate if they don't stop."

  "Okay, I think we need to talk about this. Right now, she's totally exhausted because the phone calls stop Lizzie from sleeping. Which disrupts her - and our - night time sleeping habits."

  "Have you shut your phone off?"

  "Yes. They can't get in through the gate."

  "How do they keep Lizzie awake then?"

  "They leave voice mails, and even though we have the volume turned way down, those calls are still loud - it travels upstairs!"

  "Disconnect the house phone. We'll communicate with you via email or your cell phones. Have your families call only your cell phones or contact you via email. Just...disconnect that farkin' phone!" Tim says.

  "Johanna, what do you think?" Marcus asks me.

  "I...think I like the idea, but I need time to think it through first." While I feel more alert, my brain is still moving like stiff cement.

  From that impromptu meeting, we practice. The tea and, as always, the music engage me fully. I wake up while we're working on our European concert play sets. Linny goes for take away meals. Tim and Laslow watch for him and, as he knocks at the studio's door, they let him in and quickly shut and bolt the door against the hordes of press camped outside.

  "Argh, they're cockroaches! Johanna, we'll be more than happy to help you eliminate them - come up with a good come-on story and everything," says Linny.

  I'm opening up my order and sniffing in the delicious scents.

  "I'll think about it, Linny, but I need to think slowly. My brain is mush right now," I tell him.

  "Damn them. They're keeping my favorite niece from her beauty sleep," he says.

  "Thank you for that - by the way, she's your only niece. I will think about it because I want to see this nonsense ended."

  At home that night, Marcus shuts off and unplugs both the house phone and voice messaging system. Carrying them to a closet in his office, he stashes them and dusts his hands off, muttering to himself.

  "What was that, luv?" I ask him.

  "I just said, 'good riddance to bad rubbish.' I'm hoping you and Lizzie will be able to sleep better tonight. Thankfully, they don't have our cell...oh, fuck!"

  I look up in fear, my eyes widening.

  "What, Marcus? What?"

  "You've heard of the tabloids and their misuse of celebrities' phone records, haven't you?"

  "Who hasn't? Oh, my God! You're not thinking they could..."

  "I am," Marcus says as he makes a beeline for his computer.

  "What are you doing?"

  He sighs. "I'm sorry to say this, but we're going to have to deactivate our phones and accounts temporarily. At least until the trials end. We'll still be able to communicate, but it's going to be online. I'm going to vastly increase our security - your accounts as well as mine. I'll do the same for the boys on their computers, as well as your family's and mine," Marcus says.

  "How do you know they'll get to our phone accounts and records?" I ask. This is all moving much too fast for me!

  "D'you remember that school girl that was murdered? The reporters found her phone records and hacked into her text messaging. It was unholy hell on earth for her parents. That's not happening in our case. I know what they're capable of - and I know how to deflect them," Marcus says with determination. "Bring your laptop to me, please. I'm setting you up with password protection so that, even if those sorry bastards get your laptop, they can't get to anything you've got logged on it."

  "That's possible?" I ask, watching as Marcus brings up different security window and clicks on different options.

  "Yes, and it's not hard. It's another password to remember..."

  "Small price," I mutter. Leaning over, I press a kiss on my husband's bristly cheek.

  After he's set our computers up, we send quick emails to our families, letting them know what we're doing. Ten minutes later, my dad responds.

  To: JohannaH

  From: GWilliams

  Subject: Measures

  Good! I wasn't sure this would apply to you or Marcus, but apparently, it does. I've talked to your mum and we're all okay with having our computer security increased. So is your sister. When can you come by?

  My immediate response:

  To: GWilliams

  From: JohannaH

  Subject: Re: Measures

  Just spoke to Marcus. Tomorrow night, if that's okay with everyone. I'm totally exhausted tonight. We'll only be able to communicate via email. We're temporarily deactivating our cell phones; our house phone and voice mail system are both unplugged and stored away.

  Marcus wants all of us to meet at your house tomorrow night, so you should all have your computers there. It looks easy, but I think I'll trust him to be the one to set up your security. We'll do the same for his family's computers. And, I hope we can sleep now!

  Dad's response:

  To: JohannaH

  From: GWilliams

  Subject: Re: Re: Measures

  Thank him for us. Anything we can do to ease the stress on you. As long as you three are secure and safe, that's all we want for you. We'll see you tomorrow night. Go to bed.

  That night, we all sleep the sleep of the just. With no messages belting out into the silence of the slumbering house, Lizzie sleeps uninterrupted. This means my sleep is unbroken. I wake up feeling more refreshed than I have in days. This means I'm able to discuss Tim's idea with Marcus and understand everything.

  "...You do know that we're either going to have to reconnect the house phone or use a public phone, don't you?" I ask.

  "I knew that yesterday. Probably set up our phone just for the one call, then unplug it one more time and stash it back in the closet. I'll leave Lizzie with you today and go talk to the barrister about Tim's idea. All this relies on his eventual decision, you know."

  "Yes, I do." I look down at Lizzie as she feeds. She's alert and calm. Her eyes are deepening to the same emerald green as Marcus' eyes. Her small hand rests on my breast, patting and kneading it. "Talk to him, let him know this would be a one-time effort and that the press would be required to comply with the gag order once our interview is over."

  "Got that. I'll let you know when I get to the studio - ahh, that's another thing. I'm going to continue taking you to practices and home. No way in hell am I going to allow you to be vulnerable to those jackals," he growls.

  I stand slowly and move over to Marcus, giving him a slow, searching kiss.

  "I love you, you know?"

  "I love you," Marcus says, gazing solemnly into my eyes.

  "I am perfectly okay with you continuing to take us to practices. I don't know how I'd handle those 'jackals,' as you call them. One-on-one, I think I can handle them, but not in a horde as they've been rushing us!"


  At the studio that day, we tell Tim that we're in for his idea, depending upon the decision of the barrister.

  "I'm going to go visit him in a while and see what he says. Oh, before I forget, we have unplugged the house phone and voice mail. We're temporarily deactivating our cell phones as well - the hacking scandal - and communicating with everybody only through emails. I need to see everyone's computers so I can put security on them. I wouldn't put it past them to try and steal someone's computer and find out what's up with us regarding Cara," Marcus says.

  "Spooky! Boys? Bring your lappys here tomorrow and we'll have Marcus do his thing," Tim says. "So, until after the trial - and a sentencing decision - no phone calls. Only emails using our secured computers. Now. Onto the CD and planned European concert...the CD will be ready for release before year's end. Plan for some big CD release parties, here and in the U.S. After that, we'll go on the European concert tour, which should last roughly three months. That said, we will continue to practice and get ready for both events. Johanna, it's going to be very busy, so I hope you get the rest you need."

  "I slept better last night than I have in days," I say.

  Marcus leaves and we begin practicing. We focus on our newest songs and play sets today. Tim works with us on rough areas. As we practice, we take each song in the order in which we will play it in our concerts.

  Marcus returns close to lunch time, bearing lunch bags. We retreat to a room of the studio where the press cannot see in, and we discuss the barrister's and magistrate's decision.

  "Okay, he thought our idea was...unique, to say the least. I told him everything and, at first, he wanted to say "no," outright. Then, when I told him about the non-stop phone calls interrupting Lizzie's and our sleep, unplugging and chucking the phone and voice message machine into a closet, deactivating our cell phones and communicating with everyone only via email from security-protected computers, that's when he realized that the press are completely intruding on our lives. We talked about your idea, Tim, and how we could make it work - especially after we give them a big build up and then give them, basically, nothing. That's when we started to talk details. In the end, he called the magistrate and discussed your idea with him. Here's what we have. As long as we meet in a neutral spot; comply with the gag order post-interview and tell him if the press are violating the terms of the gag order, we can move ahead with our plan."

  I don't know what I had been hoping for, but when I hear Marcus' words, I freeze. This means we have to sit across a table from them and interact with them. "Oh, my God, Marcus! You mean we're going to sit across from a table and feed them something we've decided upon beforehand?"

  "Exactly. With protection from the court. The magistrate is going to call all of them into a hearing and enjoin them from contacting us in any way, shape or form. We are going to continue to communicate with others only via email. Until the case has been decided, we are going to be in the press at least once a week. Now, I think we need to set up a plan as to what exactly we're going to 'share' with those, erm, 'jackals.'"

  From there, we discuss what we would share with the reporters - of course, the barrister gave us a whole laundry list of things we couldn't touch upon or reply to. So, it would be limited to our thoughts and feelings about what had happened.

  "Etm, Marcus, I've been thinking about something. Give them a promise that you're going to tell them what you want to see to happen to Cara and Melanie. You know, what they're going to be hoping you'll say - that they should get the death penalty, or something like that. Let's talk about ideas for the 'big non-deliver' you'll be giving them. Any big ideas, guys?"

  I sit back and listen. My eyes move from person to person and I take in what they are saying. This plan is getting better and better.

  First, Tim speaks. "Play on their 'the public has a right to know' theme. Like, you were only going along with the magistrate and barrister after having your arm twisted. Think about those feelings and thoughts that you wouldn't mind having printed - not that this will be printed, but...think as if it will be."

  Linny sets his sandwich down. "Guys, here's what I think you need to say. Talk about you fear for Marcus, Johanna. Marcus, talk about how you wanted to protect Johanna. Under no circumstances do you mention Lizzie. Keep her name out of it at all costs. For the purpose of this interview, your little girl does not exist."

  "Good thought, Linny. Keep their attention focused on you and Johanna, Marc. Lizzie is just a little baby and can't protect herself. Now, what I've been thinking for the 'big reveal...' Marcus, you should hint at 'suddenly remembering' Cara from your school years. Hint that you want to talk about that - and that it won't be positive. Will you need to get approval from the barrister first?" Laslow asks.

  "Yes, yes we will, in fact," Marcus responds.

  "Oy, okay! Then, discuss this with them - I don't think you want to be accused of defamation or slander or any of that, so, in case they say no, we need to have an alternative 'big reveal' ready. Boys?"

  "Not necessarily, Laslow. He can talk about 'remembering', but his 'memories' can be limited to thoughts like, 'I remember seeing her, but not anything beyond that.' What I think the reveal could consist of is this...Imply that you're going to admit to past communications with her. They'll latch onto that, hoping that those communications would have been intimate or lurid," Tim suggests.

  "Ewww," I say, wrinkling my nose.

  "And use Johanna's reaction," Laslow suggests. "As you begin building up to that, drop little hints here and there into your conversation. Johanna, do just that expression - that wrinkled nose and downturned mouth. Perfect!"

  I think about their suggestion. Taking the recommendations each had made, I look at them from all sides. Looking at Marcus, I see he's doing the same thing. I look into his eyes after a few minutes and give him a slight nod.

  "Okay, then, that's settled. Here's what I'll do. I'll talk to the barrister and let him know what we've talked about. We'll talk about this 'big reveal' being my 'sudden memories' of going to school with Cara and hinting that I'm going to admit to past communications. If he is okay with it, I'll come back here with that news. And Johanna and I will begin working on an interview we could plausibly have with them," Marcus says.

  "Good! You know, I think that, as long as the barrister knows we're not going to totally destroy Cara during an interview, he'll be all right with that," Tim says.

  "I think so, too, but I just don't want to end up hauled in front of him for something for which I'd end up behind bars," Marcus says with a shiver. "That's the last thing I would want. I can't stand to be away from my wife and little girl."

  At home that night, Marcus and I worked on dinner, then my parents' came over to eat with us. After a lovely meal, Marcus helped my parents' and sister set up security for all their computers. After completing this, we reiterate that we're only going to communicate with them via email.

  "Our phones are already deactivated. They can't get anything and, hopefully, everything we've texted is completely off-topic and nothing they'd be interested in," I say.

  After my family leaves, we spend a little time working on a probable interview script, then we go to bed...well, after making sweet love to each other, which we really needed after a stressful few days

  Marcus and I are sitting in a dingy, out-of-the-way diner as we talk to reporters from two rags - tabloids. They have set small recorders in front of us and I see the spindles rotating slowly as they record everything we say.

  "No, I remembered that I did have contact with Cara in secondary school. However, I was in the college group and she was in the vocational, I believe. What I remember, mainly, is that she would send me small smiles. I'd nod my head to her in passing, but that's the extent of it...except..."

  I turn my face to Marcus and the corners of my mouth edge down. I see the reporters watching my face very closely, so I carefully maintain that expression as I gaze at my blushing husband.

  "And...?" the tall, skinny reporter prompt
s.

  "Well..." Marcus looks at me, almost furtively. "I, um, I decided that I wanted to have some form of communication with her..." His voice falters as he sees my expression darkening.

  In agreement with what we had decided earlier, I shudder delicately and say, "Ewww. I don't know how..."

  Marcus looks at me and says, "But luv, I just wanted to let her know..."

  "Know what?" I ask.

  "That...that I'd always found her..."

  Chapter 6

  I gasp suddenly, waking myself up. As I sit up, Marcus wakes up, too.

  "Johanna, what is it?" he asks me quietly.

  "I was dreaming about having the interview. You were about to admit that you'd always found her to be pretty," I said, holding my hand over my pounding heart.

  "Come here. Lie down. Be calm and try to relax. I can't wait until we have this interview and it's all done and history!" Marcus says as he sighs heavily.

  I'm still exhausted from the lack of sleep. I cuddle into Marcus' warm side and try to fall asleep again.

  The next day, Linny is sick, so practice is canceled. I work on voice exercises at home so I keep my singing voice healthy. After a couple hours of practice, I take the baby and bundle her up, telling Marcus that we'll be outside, enjoying the sunlight. It's early autumn and she's already ten months old! Still, it's been cold lately and we haven't had very much sunlight. We're playing outside when I hear the sounds of reporters just beyond the tall wall. Swallowing my fear, I grab Lizzie and hightail it back into the house.

  "What? What happened?" Marcus asks in alarm. My face obviously gives me away.

  I get control of my breathing.

  "We were playing just outside and I heard some reporters saying, 'She's outside with the kid! Come on!'"

  Marcus smothers a swear word and peeks through the sheers. He runs to the closet in his room and pulls the house phone out and plugs it in.

  "Call the police. When you and my daughter can't even enjoy a sunny autumn day..."

  I call. Ten minutes later, the tall ladder comes down. The police ring us on our cell phone.